i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
