I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
