i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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