At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
