My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
