Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
