none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
