Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
