I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
