I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
