I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
