Please, let me fuck your mom
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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