Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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