Pappa wants mamma naked
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
