My cat gives me a boner
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
