I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
