ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
