fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
