is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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