garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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