do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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