You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
