needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
