I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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