1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
