Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
