Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
