google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
