Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
