She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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