Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
