I wish I only lived at night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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