I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
