I think I died a long time ago.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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