Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
