I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
