i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
