It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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