The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
