Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
