An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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