So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
