where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
