I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
