just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
