I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
