Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
