I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
