I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
