fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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